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Page: 5 of 41
Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.
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05-25-2010 18:22 by
Joser
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No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.
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07-13-2010 18:11 by
Joser
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Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!
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12-02-2009 20:33 by
Joser
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One night stands in hotel rooms just don't do it for me anymore. ...That's why I always ask for a bed with two night stands.
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05-01-2010 14:30 by
Joser
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Just read an article about the stock market, and there were three things in it that I didn't quite understand: Every, single, word.
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05-06-2010 21:42 by
Joser
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I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles this morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop.
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06-01-2010 13:27 by
Joser
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My therapist said I let other people control my emotions to much. I don't think that's true at all, what do you think?
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07-12-2010 18:47 by
Joser
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Evidently that good Samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.
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04-20-2010 23:46 by
Joser
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Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
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05-04-2010 17:48 by
Joser
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Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.
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05-20-2010 16:38 by
Joser
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Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.
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05-18-2010 12:30 by
Joser
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These food stamps taste terrible...
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07-01-2010 17:31 by
Joser
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My gf says I never listen to her (or something like that)
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04-24-2010 12:44 by
Joser
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Target is nothing more than Walmart in a tuxedo t-shirt.
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05-10-2010 13:56 by
Joser
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Light switches that flip up for off should be banned
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05-14-2010 18:59 by
Joser
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Cyber sex is not as easy as it sounds. I should have picked a less crowded Starbucks.
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05-18-2010 16:59 by
Joser
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69 is the Kamikaze of oral sex. "If I'm going down, you're coming with me!"
114
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05-01-2010 14:30 by
Joser
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"If I weren't such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face"
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06-01-2010 13:08 by
Joser
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Deleting your Facebook account is a quick way to find out what people will say at your funeral.
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06-29-2010 17:44 by
Joser
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friend request you on facebook?? woah, slow down we just met. tell me about yourself...oh, you're in the mafia AND you're a farmer? check please.
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04-27-2010 18:57 by
Joser
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