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   messageicon PROUD to be serving as a Paratrooper in the U.S. Army Infantry....
←Rate | 02-02-2011 02:24 by markus.shelby Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someday, I hope to be able to afford an iPhone...like the girl in front of me paying for her groceries with food stamps.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 11:47 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women over 200 pounds with a visible thong should have to register as sex offenders.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 00:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Congress, Before stopping military pay, you might want to think about what you trained us to do. Sincerely, A Proud Soldier
←Rate | 04-08-2011 17:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders how skinny he would be if he had to pedal to keep the computer on.
←Rate | 05-20-2009 08:33 by Dragon-King Comments (0)  


   messageicon Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.
←Rate | 10-07-2010 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear sneeze, If you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face and leave.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 07:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 19:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon facebook needs a "settle down" button you tap on a friend's profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately.
←Rate | 06-15-2012 09:19 by gay jeffery Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard there's a new drink bartenders are making, it's called a "Hurricane Sandy", essentially it's just a watered down Manhattan. (too soon?)
←Rate | 11-02-2012 14:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks.
←Rate | 12-14-2010 11:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting
←Rate | 11-11-2009 13:05 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering? Horse? Catapult? Helicopter drop? Santa?
←Rate | 09-05-2010 20:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said to my girlfriend "Just remember,my grandmother is a bit old & hard of hearing. So speak nicely,speak slowly & speak loudly." I then whispered to my perfectly capable grandmother "My girlfriend is slightly retarded." Oh,what fun I had.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 20:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon For every LIKE I receive. I shall drink one Jager-Bomb (Jagermeister + Redbull)
←Rate | 08-11-2010 14:14 by ANGELA Comments (1)  


   messageicon Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don't do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
←Rate | 06-13-2012 00:57 by @TheReTurd Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're in America when you can buy replacement cartridges of ink for $29.25, or buy a brand new printer with ink for $39.95.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 12:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Morning cardio routine: Stretch. Gravity Hand Slam on snooze button. Pull arm back under covers. Roll over. Wait 9 Minutes. Repeat
←Rate | 11-23-2010 12:07 by one Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men expecting regular women to act like porn stars is similar to women expecting men to act like the sensitive hunks in romantic comedies.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 16:39 by randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves eating big meals. I especially love a 7 course meal, of which my best is a cheese burger and a six pack of beer.....
←Rate | 03-07-2010 22:32 by samdave69 Comments (0)  



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