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~ Telepath wanted...you know where to apply. 
puts the "fun" in dysfunctional
All castles had one major weakness. The enemy used to get in through the gift shop.
Ctrl + C ... Plagiarism Simplified
The cops found a missing person with nappy hair, crusty feet, doo-doo stained undies, holding a Happy Meal bag. I'm worried SICK... are you okay?
Wishing the King a happy 76th Birthday, where ever he is.....
ladies only naked K-Y Twister tournament at my place tonight at 9pm.
after hearing about the world coming to an end soon I feel that it is my duty to warn you all as friends that when the zombies are chasing....i will trip you !
Follow what you Love, Learn what you Live, and eventually you will Live what you Love...
Every year for Halloween, Kanye West dresses up as Kanye West.
Sorry I pee peed all over your bathroom, but my Shakira ringtone came on and my hips reacted naturally.
I got a sixth degree black belt in I don't give a f**k. . .
The moment you understand the value of life, is the moment you die.
If it burns when I pee that just means someone's thinking about my junk right? RIGHT!? GUYS SERIOUSLY
If you play your cards right, she'll want you to poker.
You know you've had a bad day when you die.
Babies never smile in their pictures. Why are they so pissed???
I really miss childhood. You know, sometimes I pee on my bed just to remember what it's like.
waiter: "what would you like to drink?" me: "тнє вℓσσ∂ σƒ му єηємιєѕ" waiter:... me:... waiter:... me:... waiter:... me:... waiter: "is pepsi okay?"
I'd rather shave my crotch with an AIDS infested razor I got from a hobo than befriend your dog on Facebook. 