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I don't give a crap about you, your, you're or there, their, they're. I'm only worried about tiddy, titty or tittie… 
Ain't no worse feeling than someone you love thinking and believing you did something you didn't even do.
A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette and exploded. What in the hell do they put in butterflies?
your guiding light because as the world turns we are the young and the restless with only have one life to live throughout the days of our lives because all my children will be born at general hospital.
having a most excellent adventure with Bill and Ted
I need to start speaking my mind because my tongue is starting to hurt from biting it!
told by someone that swimming will get you in shape ......IF THAT IS THE CASE SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY WHALES ARE SO effin FAT !?!?
1065 friends on facebook and not one of ya came to vist me.........so up yours
Accidentally grabbing the glitter spray instead of the feminine deopdorant spray gives "disco stick" a whole new meaning.
checking out your facebook albums hoping to see some bikini photos of your girlfriend.
What do you call a big group of lesbians? The Munch Bunch.
Good morning Tuesday...tell your pal Friday he needs to come around here tomorrow.
In preparation for the end of the world in 2012, I am building an Ark. I am going to to need two of everything, Two Blonds, Two Brunettes and Two Redheads.
What's LOVE? In math: A problem. In history: A war. In chemistry: A reaction. In art: A heart. In me: Bull
In my house, we pray after we eat.
Did I ever tell you about my roofer who came down with shingles?
My status has a crush on someone.
I once went 4 days with out a cell phone. So ya, Third World Countries, I get it now.
Err -45 degrees! Does that read right!? Thought this was global warming! I see an ice age!
Sometimes I wish I was a bird, so that when times got tough I could just fly over certain people and sh*t on their heads! 