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The look on the cashiers face when a fat girl purchases leggings. 
Just doing my daily check here to see what to post.
Just found out the results of my mammogram - I tested positive for having boobs
Everybody wants to be in a relationship... But no one wants to give up their single ways so they end up cheating.
Can you imagine watching Jersey Shore in Smell-O-Vision?
Three fastest ways of communication: Tele-Phone, Tele-Vision & Tell-a-Woman.
Apple/Google store just came out with a new app called "Find My I-plane"
RESEARCH: Tin foil hat club. Too much time on hands club. Lives in parents basement club.
If you can listen to Dire Straits "Sultans of Swing" and not play the air guitar, then you my friend have no soul!
I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.
If I were a QB in the NFL, I'd throw the ball as far as I can on every play... And do lots of hip thrusts... And wear my cup on the outside.
Science Fun Fact: It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light or get higher than Snoop Dogg.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world
With all the negativity on the internet lately its nice to Charlie Sheen is positive...
So if tears are just weakness leaving your body, what's diarrhea?
Did you know xanax and chicken are both gluten free?..... *This diet really isn't that difficult.
I guess properly inflated balls really do make a difference. Who knew?
The least I should get for paying all that money into 0bamacare, is a monthly update and photo of the person I'm sponsoring.
My biggest spiritual accomplishment is that I'm voting for Bernie but am still capable of talking to a Hillary supporter like a human being.
I've finally found Jesus. My turn to hide. 