BEGO Funny Status Messages

   My favorite condiment is sarcasm, I put it on everything.

   Wal-Mart needs to change their slogan to "what has been seen can never be unseen."

   Go ahead and play "hard to get"...I'll be over here playing "don't give a s$it"

   It's God's job to judge the terrorists...it's our mission to arrange the meeting." -U.S. Marines

   I just realized I can make 50 funny faces at my boss in less than 30 seconds while the elevator door closes. Anyway, got fired.

   When I'm a millionare, I'm hiring someone whose only job is to stand at the top of a stairwell and high-five me when I get to the top.

   Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.

   When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.

   Best Relationship: Talk like bestfriends, play like children, argue like husband and wife, protect each other like brother and sister.

   Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder. 

   You're so fake, Barbie is jealous

   Love don't cost a thing." Except a lot of tears, a broken heart, and wasted years.

   Universal truth: sun rises in the East Fact: sun neither rises nor sets, the Earth rotates... Moral: Education kills our Common Sense

   FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run.

   In his last act of terrorism, Osama Bin Laden is blowing up my facebook newsfeed.

   Black friday: because only in America people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have

   Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2011: he died of hunger.

   The condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of my job for a week every month!"The tampon replies, "yeah? And when you don't do your damn job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!!"

   I love finding money in my clothes…..its like a gift from me.. to me.