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Allergies: Nature's way of saying, "I know you're not sick, but I want you to feel like you are anyway!"
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09-04-2010 10:05
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During a job interview, when I get asked what my weaknesses are, I always want to say "Beautiful blondes and whiskey."
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09-08-2010 10:21
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Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
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09-12-2010 18:48
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Dave needs to get more sheep in Farmville! ... Dave needs to get 6 more points to advance in Mafia Wars! ... Dave needs to get a f-kin life!
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09-18-2010 09:54 by
@clarkysj
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There is nothing friendlier than a wet dog.
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09-20-2010 22:15
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Bandaids come in two varieties. The kind that won't stay on and the kind that won't come off.
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09-27-2010 17:23 by
Marshall the Great
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learned an important lesson yesterday, Rice Krispies and hangovers do not go good together. First time she ever had to tell a bowl of ceral to shut the f*ck up!!
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02-24-2010 16:21
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have you ever slept so good you couldn't wait to do it again as soon as you woke up?
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03-26-2010 18:26 by
Danmanz
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You always get what you pay for. Nothing proves this more than toliet paper.
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10-27-2010 13:45 by
lemonpillow
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Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
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11-01-2010 19:37 by
Marshall the Great
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I can always tell how much I really like a girl by how long it takes me to delete her text messages.
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11-26-2010 05:04
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I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
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11-29-2010 17:37
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How soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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12-03-2010 11:44 by
;)
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has the brains of a horse and is hung like Einstein.
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04-30-2010 13:10 by
Aaron
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Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
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06-13-2010 08:42
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Whenever I eat Nerds and Dum Dums, I always follow up with a few packs of Smarties.That way everything evens out. :)
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06-22-2010 12:19
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Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.
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06-24-2010 23:20 by
Joser
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List of things I've accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
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07-03-2010 14:40 by
Joser
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Shark Week is over, but I'm not taking down my decorations
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08-10-2010 19:31 by
jdpower
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Cell phones ruined pushing people in the pool.
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08-20-2010 09:43
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