Funny Status Messages

   Happy Singles Discrimination Day!

   Everyone has a freak flag, some just fly their's more than others....im jus sayin....

   what is this world coming to? screw Hannah Montana and Jonas... bring back tom and Jerry, scooby doo, and mickey mouse!

   I believe my entire life is one complicated drinking game...

   I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.....

   Dear Friday, You and your friends Saturday and Sunday need to come around more often. I miss you. Love from your biggest fan, me.

   Good morning Tuesday. Please don't come at me so early next time. And if it isn't too big of a deal, I would really like you to change your name to Saturday.

   The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.

   When you're driving illegally, suddenly every car is an undercover cop.

   so far I've handed out 23 caramel covered onions on a stick to trick or treaters... life is fun

   You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That's God playing Sims, he just cancelled your action.

   Selecting a menu item at a Mexican restaurant is easy once you decide how many times you want your food folded.

   Occasionally I look up from my iPhone and have no idea where I'm at.

   The girl I'm dating has a kid who just started high school. She wanted ME of all people to have a talk with him about "the birds and the bees" We talked for about 4 hours, and I gotta tell ya, I learned A LOT.

   Ladies, if a man doesn't answer your "What are you doing tonight?" text till it's already night time, you're Plan B.

   This morning when I awoke I rolled over, smiled at the beauty that was there beside me , gazed into those beautiful brown eyes and said, "Good Morning Sexy." I knew it was a good idea to install that mirror by the bed.

   I have reliable inside information about Apple's next product. I will not be able to afford it.

   I wanted to learn a second language and could not afford Rosetta Stone so I bought a Pitbull CD.

   milk expires tomorrow, guess who's having 3 bowls of cereal tonight!:D

   Awww.... It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..