BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Attractive girls are always the most insecure. While these Shrek looking bit$hes, walk around thinking their the s$it.

   A picture is worth a thousand words. Yours just says “slut” a thousand times in a row

   Creaking floorboards have been known to ruin the plans of thousands of teenagers.

   *teacher textes student* "dear student, I know you're texting. no one would be looking a their crotch and smiling"

   In 2013, my first status will be- "Is anyone alive?!

   Hardest thing ever? Controlling your laughter at serious times

   Toaster Settings: 1) I do nothing. 2) I do nothing. 3) I SET THE BREAD ON FIRE!

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.

   There's a “send” button; there's a “resend button; WHY ISN'T THERE AN UNSEND BUTTON?

   Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.

   They say "Opposites attract" but they never tell you for how long.

   guys can go 5 years without seeing eachother and reunite with a handshake and small talk...girls can't go 5 minutes without seeing eachother and reuinite with screaming, jumping around, and hugs...

   we only have 1 day left to make kony 2012 happen

   My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively

   8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

   Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status.

   I accidentally bumped into my ex today... with my car... at 60mph... on purpose.

   I am strong because I know my weaknesses. I am alive because i'ma a fighter. I am wise because i've been foolish. and I've laughed because i've known sadness.

   Jamaican GPS' would be soo great. “TURN AROUND, MON. YOU GOIN' DE WRONG WAY. TURN DE ODDA WAY MON. KEEP GOIN' DATTA WAY, MON. TURN COMIN' UP ON DE NEXT LEFT. YOU GOT DIS, MON.”

   The most annoying sound = When a fly comes into your house and gets stuck in between the window and the blinds.