Funny Status Messages

   When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.

   Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.

   Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress.......

   The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the "I'm sick" voice.

   Everything ██is█████ ████ ████fine ███ █ ████ love. ████ █████ the ███ Egypt ███ ████ government ██

   well done naagraj, 8 consecutive posts with no likes. Your a legend

   When will women ever learn? Never introduce your man to your hotter friend.

   Sitting here watching thousands of dollars worth of food be thrown away on Hell's Kitchen while I eat my Ramen.

   If someone held a gun to my head I still don't think it would be as scary as almost tipping backwards off of a chair

   Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know....

   I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!

   I like mario. he's cool. he's all like " hello, I'm maaarrio, I'm a Italian plumber created by japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican."

   I hate it when I'm telling an awesome story, and realize halfway through that I should not be telling it to the person that I am.

   Looking for a New Year's resolution? Why don't we work on that whole "your/you're" thing...

   thinks life is unfair. So many rules; so little time to break them....

   doesn't want to brag or make anybody jealous . . . but she can still fit into the earrings she wore in high school!!

   It's that time of year again when I don't need the refrigerator to keep the beer cold.

   Should we REALLY put labels on paint cans warning people that eating it could kill them? I mean, should we TRY to save anyone who would make a conscious decision to eat paint?

   2 words have opened alot of doors for me....Push and Pull....

   My decision to not hold the door for the person walking at a questionable distance behind me is usually met with immediate guilt as I bolt through the door and sprint ahead to widen the gap and justify my move.