Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I hate it when I'm telling an awesome story, and realize halfway through that I should not be telling it to the person that I am.
←Rate | 12-15-2010 16:51 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Looking for a New Year's resolution? Why don't we work on that whole "your/you're" thing...
←Rate | 12-31-2010 14:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Should we REALLY put labels on paint cans warning people that eating it could kill them? I mean, should we TRY to save anyone who would make a conscious decision to eat paint?
←Rate | 09-03-2010 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2 words have opened alot of doors for me....Push and Pull....
←Rate | 09-12-2010 13:06 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My decision to not hold the door for the person walking at a questionable distance behind me is usually met with immediate guilt as I bolt through the door and sprint ahead to widen the gap and justify my move.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:59 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's that time of year again when I don't need the refrigerator to keep the beer cold.
←Rate | 12-04-2010 16:15 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't want to brag or make anybody jealous . . . but she can still fit into the earrings she wore in high school!!
←Rate | 06-06-2010 10:59 by DAYAM Comments (0)  


   messageicon White Privilege is how Willy Nelson got his assets seized for owing $15 million and Al Sharpton visits the White House while owing $19 MIllion... OH WAIT!
←Rate | 11-13-2015 08:06 by Keith Comments (0)  


   messageicon well done naagraj, 8 consecutive posts with no likes. Your a legend
←Rate | 06-02-2011 07:59 by nolando Comments (0)  


   messageicon When will women ever learn? Never introduce your man to your hotter friend.
←Rate | 06-04-2011 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know....
←Rate | 10-01-2011 23:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!
←Rate | 10-06-2011 15:46 by Slasher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like mario. he's cool. he's all like " hello, I'm maaarrio, I'm a Italian plumber created by japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican."
←Rate | 10-12-2011 06:46 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sitting here watching thousands of dollars worth of food be thrown away on Hell's Kitchen while I eat my Ramen.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 14:40 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone held a gun to my head I still don't think it would be as scary as almost tipping backwards off of a chair
←Rate | 08-18-2011 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything ██is█████ ████ ████fine ███ █ ████ love. ████ █████ the ███ Egypt ███ ████ government ██
←Rate | 02-01-2011 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you're seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
←Rate | 10-01-2012 05:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate's face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
←Rate | 01-14-2013 09:00 Comments (1)  



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