BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.

   Hoping the hurricane washes up jersey shore!

   *Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let's get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”

   Don't shop when hungry. Don't date when horny. Don't update your status when drunk

   Go deep throat a cactus.

   Someday I hope to solve one of the great mysteries of life, like where do socks go when you put them into the dryer?

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives

   Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.

   a girl ignoring you? Just ignore her ignoring you. Works every time.

   At a Birthday Party, I dared one kid to suck all the helium out of all the balloons. Today this kid is known as Justin Bieber.

   Boy: I wear the pants in this relationship. Girl: yah but I control the damn zipper.

   I'm fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity. 

   Dear women of Jersey Shore, You're making me look bad. Sincerely, Orange.

   My Ex texted me: "I Miss You..." So I replied: "We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach doesn't give a f***.......

   Won a time machine on eBay. Disappointed when I received a damn clock.

   I used to have faith in humanity...then I stepped into Wal-Mart.

   Facebook is worth $100 billion. That's just in lost productivity.

   No matter how many times I've been done wrong, I'll continue to be faithful, honest, and loving; sooner or later someone will appreciate it.

   Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm always drunk when I do it.

   Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible