Funny Status Messages

   Peter Griffin doesn't look so stupid now with his volcano insurance.

   What a sweet lemonade stand. Your daughter is going be a wonderful bartender when she grows up.

   From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a video proving it.

   The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

   Please stop telling me how poor you are via Facebook for iPhone.... really?

   Goooodnight Vietnam !!! RIP Robin Williams one of a kind...

   Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation..

   A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you're hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.

   RadioShack has announced plans to close 1,000 stores throughout the U.S. RadioShack customers were very upset when they got the news on their pagers.

   I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot

   Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?

   Today at school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life.

   my neighbors put their Christmas decorations up early, so I put my Easter stuff out just to one-up them.

   Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else.

   ‎3 Guys in Colorado died protecting their girlfriends. I dont want to hear any girls saying that ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME.

   Ladies: if a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it

   When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb

   If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.

   thinking if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.

   I like Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Sarah.