BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I think it's pretty funny how ppl take pictures of them selfs in bathrooms and then post it on FB

   U know some fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time…” Others begin with “If elected, I promise…”

   A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

   Hardest job in the world: Police sketch artist in China.

   All my friends are getting jobs, engaged, or married. I'm just getting more awesome.

   Bi&ches take pictures with bra and panties and post it for a million strangers to see. Then say they wifey material, no bi&ch you strip club material..

   Bud Light with lime??? What's the primary target demographic for that? Rednecks with scurvy?

   Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress.

   Got a problem with me? I'm pretty sure a status on Facebook won't fix it.

   Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?

   The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

   Beware of people who tell you to "get a life". They may want the one you already have.

   The woman who invented the phrase "All guys are the same" was a chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China.

   Process of liking a song: 1 Day: I love this song! 1 Week: Hey that song's good. 1 Month: Turn that s$it off! 1 Year: OMG, I love this song!

   There are a few people I know whose birth certificates should be considered an apology letter to the world!

   I never use the little twist ties to close a bag of bread...I just spin the bag and tuck it under the loaf of bread.

   Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTILER 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE Did you read..........Spine, Lither, Ginger and Subtext?

   Things you should never do after a breakup: 1. Listen to love songs. 2. Read old messages 3. Read their statuses, tweets or updates.

   The problem with you is that you damn exist.

   Dear Humans, We have called off the apocalypse after realizing that there are no brains left. Sincerely, Zombies.