Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If you're not working on trying to be mine, then you shouldn't be worrying about who's consuming my spare time.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 00:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need to employ ninja doctors to do vasectomies secretly to stop dipsh!ts from breeding.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 10:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Carlos Santana must be relieved that his look-alike Gadaffi is gone.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 12:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I am on vacation I put in my Out of Office message to contact Batman with any problems, as I feel he is the only one qualified to replace me anyway.
←Rate | 10-21-2011 16:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn, three raptures and I'm still here....I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me.
←Rate | 10-22-2011 08:17 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is so little food in my house right now I think I saw some ants putting together a grocery list.
←Rate | 11-09-2011 11:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
←Rate | 11-10-2011 15:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever feel like you're in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
←Rate | 07-07-2016 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If becoming "religious" has made you more judgmental, rude, harsh or a backbiter, you need to check again if you are worshiping God or your Ego
←Rate | 12-07-2017 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon no need to scroll further, as it only get worse from here...
←Rate | 11-29-2016 17:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
←Rate | 01-30-2017 07:05 by Mike c Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most immigrants still have a lot to learn about America. Like, if you're going to take a day off, take Friday, not Thursday...
←Rate | 02-17-2017 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon :): The Bipolar smiley face
←Rate | 12-03-2010 09:28 by Heather25 Comments (6)  


   messageicon the guy at subway put the potato chips on my sandwich without me even asking. either he's stoned or he knows that I am
←Rate | 10-07-2010 12:55 by levon Comments (1)  


   messageicon whoever just posted these last few statuses is a complete IDIOT!!
←Rate | 06-02-2011 07:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 12:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guy in office: "My computer just went down on me!" Lady in next office: "Which button did you press to get that???"
←Rate | 04-12-2011 16:15 by Master Weeg Comments (0)  


   messageicon YAWN so I can see if you're the one...
←Rate | 03-17-2010 13:43 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  



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