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If you're not working on trying to be mine, then you shouldn't be worrying about who's consuming my spare time.
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10-20-2011 00:42
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We need to employ ninja doctors to do vasectomies secretly to stop dipsh!ts from breeding.
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10-20-2011 10:21
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Carlos Santana must be relieved that his look-alike Gadaffi is gone.
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10-20-2011 12:14
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When I am on vacation I put in my Out of Office message to contact Batman with any problems, as I feel he is the only one qualified to replace me anyway.
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10-21-2011 16:09 by
Marshall the Great
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Damn, three raptures and I'm still here....I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me.
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10-22-2011 08:17 by
K-Mac
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There is so little food in my house right now I think I saw some ants putting together a grocery list.
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11-09-2011 11:46 by
Marshall the Great
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Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
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11-10-2011 15:32
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Do you ever feel like you're in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
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07-07-2016 15:16
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When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
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07-24-2016 07:39 by
flinnie
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If becoming "religious" has made you more judgmental, rude, harsh or a backbiter, you need to check again if you are worshiping God or your Ego
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12-07-2017 08:08
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no need to scroll further, as it only get worse from here...
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11-29-2016 17:00
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Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
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01-18-2017 12:50 by
Kisstopher707
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These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
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01-30-2017 07:05 by
Mike c
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Most immigrants still have a lot to learn about America. Like, if you're going to take a day off, take Friday, not Thursday...
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02-17-2017 15:26
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:): The Bipolar smiley face
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12-03-2010 09:28 by
Heather25
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6
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the guy at subway put the potato chips on my sandwich without me even asking. either he's stoned or he knows that I am
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10-07-2010 12:55 by
levon
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whoever just posted these last few statuses is a complete IDIOT!!
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06-02-2011 07:43
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The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.
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03-30-2011 12:16 by
Marshall the Great
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Guy in office: "My computer just went down on me!" Lady in next office: "Which button did you press to get that???"
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04-12-2011 16:15 by
Master Weeg
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YAWN so I can see if you're the one...
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03-17-2010 13:43 by
Samir Momin
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