BEGO Funny Status Messages

   'Beautiful women make us buy beer, ugly women make us drink beer'

   Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?

   Don't let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know doesn't give a damn about you.

   God puts people in my life for a reason... & removes them from my life for a better reason.

   Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!

   "Everyone’s middle name should be, motherfu%kin ...try it doesnt it sound so great"

   flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father

   The older I get, the more I come to realize that I just don't care what the hell anyone thinks anymore.

   I don't like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

   Ladies, don't wear skinny jeans, if you have no skinny genes.

   Getting back with an ex is pretty much like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.

   I can't remember the last time I heard a dial tone.

   Whenever I have a dream about someone, It's always awkward seeing them the next day.

   They say: "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.

   Just saw a guy in a Dominos uniform driving a UPS truck. This is either grand theft auto or the most epic pizza trade ever.

   Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire.

   Why is YOLO popular all of a sudden? Was there seriously a problem of people thinking we lived twice?

   In 1969, nearly 600 million people tuned in to watch Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. Now we have 'The Bachelorette'.

   We will probably never understand why girls fall madly in love with douchebags.

   Just got this porn called "Hot & Horny Housewives 3." Do you think I will understand what's going on if I haven't seen 1 and 2?