Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   Life is a roller coaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.

   I dont care what women say, size matters in bed.The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.

   MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: A passenger side drive-thru window for their complicated orders.

   I sure hopes they're wrong about the world ending in 2012. I'd hate to think I wasted the last couple years of my life on Facebook with you guys ;)

   Suggestion for Mark Zuckerberg: When someone defriends me on Facebook, a picture of my bare ass pops up on their screen.

   They've installed a machine at the BAR which tells you when to stop drinking. Its called an ATM.

   I'm not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.

   Learn from the past, live for today, look for tomorrow, take a nap this afternoon.

   if you can't say ridiculous things with a straight face, there's probably no room in management for you.

   If you ever think your invention idea is stupid and won't make money, simply remember how many people bought a Snuggie.

   I think this shameless self-promotion on Facebook has gotten out of control. BTW: I am awesome.

   Being an adult means going to the grocery store, paying a ton of money and still having nothing to eat.

   I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things.

   If my number of Facebook friends drops, I just assume someone died.

   I've decided that, instead of being a good example, I'll be a warning.

   I read the rules and decided they are stupid so I will be making my own from now on.

   I know where children get their energy... they drain it from their parents!

   So if I don't kill you, I make you stronger? I really don't have any options here.

   .Neighbors get really angry when they catch you on their roof adjusting their satellite dish.

   My drunk neighbor says he was attacked by a big bat last night but I was actually using a golf club.