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Yes facebook... I'm sure I want to remove this event. 
I haven't been able to stop crying since that stranger on the internet said that they didn't like me...
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
A report indicates V iagra can cause temporary hearing loss in men. So guys, you can have sex, but you can’t hear the woman talk afterwards. In a related story, V iagra sales have skyrocketed.
I wish a girl with fake eyebrows would argue with me, I would lick my Thumb so Fast!
Well this whole grown up thing has been fun but I have to go now...
I like to add tension to a conference call with a surprise toilet flush.
I just found my soul mate at work. She pulled up a chair to use the water cooler. Now that's MY kinda lazy.
How many shares of fb stock do I need to buy before I can block anyone from ever posting about going to the gym again?
Maybe I should get married. Its not like I have sex anyway.
My dog doesn't know I stubbed my toe and wasn't yelling at him, he's been hiding under the bed 45 minutes…I think he called the cops.
All this restraining order means is that I love you too much.
We text 24/7, but when we meet, it's so awkward.
The big winners in last nights MNF debacle?.... All of the TV repair shops in Wisconsiun.
I don't feel like doing anything today...except for you...I'd do you.
anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower??
The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.
I always say the things better left unsaid.
I know a lot of women with A.D.D. (Attention Demanding Disorder)
I thought we were trying to clean up the planet? So why'd the Navy pollute it with the rubbish they picked up in Pakistan today? 