BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Dear Websites that automatically play loud videos, thanks for trying to get me fired!

   Black Friday...the day when normal people turn into zombies armed with shopping carts.

   Life has no damn remote....get up and change it yourself!

   OK some Women want to be equal to Men... Send us flowers to work, pick us up for a date, open the car or any door for us, take us out to dinner and a movie flip the bill and leave the tip and you make the first move at the end of the date!!!

   Attractive person: Hey whats up? Me: Who paid you

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't even spell.

   Of course you can trust the government. Just ask a Native American how that worked out.

   My girlfriend is walking out on me because of my obsession with Call of Duty. It's ok, she won't get far. I set up a claymore by the door.

   At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

   You can keep retaking all the photos you want but that's just what your face really looks like

   Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke

   People nowadays take pictures, not for memories, but to post them on facebook and get comments.

   16 and pregnant? What about 18 and graduated ? 22 and successful?

   f a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.

   I think money attracts the females you want, struggle attracts the woman you need..

   The less you give a f$ck, the happier you will be.

   Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper. By the time you realize it's open, it's already embarrassed you.

   Some people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”

   Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help