Funny Status Messages

   When it comes to practicing the theory of "There are plenty fish in the sea", I tend to practice catch and release.

   Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

   I just looked down at my shoes and one of them is not right.

   On my 8th slice of pizza watching the bigget loser!! Time to make a change!! Where's the remote??

   The difference between a grizzly and a brown bear? Climb a tree. If the bear climbs after you, its a brown bear. If it knocks the tree down, its a grizzly.

   Google Earth: Helping stalkers since 2004.

   ˜Sort of" shouldn't be used in certain phrases. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to live" or "It's a boy."

   says having kids means having pictures in my wallet where I used to have money!!

   The best part of being me is that I'm not you...

   used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I probably should have chosen my words better

   I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

   when I die, bury me with all my debts and a cell phone so I can haunt them for a change.

   I never make the same mistake twice... I like to fill my day with a wide variety of mistakes from a large number of sources.

   Today is . . . the tomorrow you thought about yesterday.

   If a large box of cereal is considered "Family Size", would a large box of condoms be considered "Prevent a Family" size?

   Promises are like babies: easy to make but hard to deliver.

   thinks you should NEVER look down on someone...unless you have a clear view of cleavage.

   ESPN reports that Aaron Hernandez is being investigated for the disappearance of Manti Teo's girlfriend

   Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?

   1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance - My stages of getting ready for work