Joser Funny Status Messages

   Sure, I've done bad things in my life. But not "going to hell" bad. More like "Jesus is going to make me his b*tch in heaven" bad.

   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

   So what's the dating website for drunk, blonde, recent college graduates who do not want to find a job called?

   Didn't lock my car last night and there was a homeless guy asleep in it this morning.

   I've downloaded the Darth Vader voice and labeled my final street destination "Your M0m" Just to hear: now turning on y0ur m0m

   I'm totally over LOST. I don't even care anymore. I don't miss it at all. Do you want to drive by LOST's house and see if it's home?

   I wish more people would put their highways up for adoption. So many people want one and are unable to have their own.

   efore deciding whether you will stay up all night, you should sleep on it.

   "Grandpa's ghost hovers all around the house. It's scary!" "He's not dead! And that's his Hoveround power chair!" "Well, he smells dead."

   Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, b*tches"

   Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome

   is making it idiot proof but then someone comes and makes a better idiot.

   On a walk, my stepdaughter saw a pay phone, asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Blackberry.

   nothing to declare except my genius

   Hates girls that talk about sports (genuine bandwagoners)...

   Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.

   Ahh Bud light the sweet lower calorie nectar made by mother nature

   "Leprosy can't be all bad. It has "rosy" in its name!" -super positive counselor at a leper colony

   Why do people reply to me in other languages? I don't know wtf you're saying. I only speak three languages: English, Parseltounge

   If this soo called God dwells inside of us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.