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Chick-Fil-A will be flying their pickles at half-staff today. 
Day,.....whatever...i am thankful for Mexican food,adult diapers, internet porn, and Kleenex
I live mosy of my life on the edge... Cause my fat ass girlfriend takes up most of the bed and couch.
In the words of Mike Tyson, "I am gonna **** this Monday until it loves me"
Dyslexic zombies crave Brians.
I like walking under the rain so no one knows I'm crying" ... B! tch please ! I like walking in the pool so no one knows I'm peeing !
it beer thirty yet??
Sitting on the plane. Stewardess said pilot passed out can somebody fly the plane? Took me almost 10 hours just to get it off the runway.
I'm throwing in the white flag, I can't take anymore of this "winning".
Sòdømy is not marriage. Pórnögraphy is not art. Desires are not rights. At this point I feel ignorance shouls b bliss. In a few years expect a lot of traumatized babies whose dad's screw each other..gross
Instead of protesting the deaths of thugs, why don't you teach your children how to avoid being one in the first place?
Eminem and Bruno Mars mixed together would a yummy candy bar
I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.
gas prices are higher than Charlie Sheen !
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long....
This guy knocked on my door today askin' for a donation to the city pool... I went away & came back w a glass of water.. Is that wrong?
Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.
My wife has PMS and i'm stuck in the house with her. It's the Kotex Vortex!!
a homeless guy looked at me and said "any change"? I said " no you are still dirty and homeless
Blind people should not skydive. It scares the crap out of their dogs. 