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Don't be in a relationship if you're going to act single... 
it rude to throw a breath mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?
I never understood why people take pictures of themselves flipping the bird. Was the camera mean to you?
I hate it when one of my favorite songs is out of my vocal range..
My six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside."
Now I dont wanna have to tell you how to do your job as a woman...But as a man that's my job...
Sir Dentist, my gums are bleeding because you're trying to saw them in half with a piece of floss, not because I don't take care of them
In school, the only thing group projects ever taught me was that I hate other people.
I'm single by choice... the girl I was interested in choose to turn me down.
You young and ignorant boys can keep your virgins; give me hot old women in high heels with a$$es that forgot to get old.
How to tell if a girl is right for you? Text her and say: “Hey I lost my cell phone… Can you call it???” If she calls, move on…
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes
what is up with these sweatpants and UGGS, totally NOT sexy
When a woman is upset she only uses one word answers.
My lack of understanding does not compensate for your intelligence. Wait, what?
I wonder how many bongs I can collect before my mother figures out they're not vases?
It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
Just once I'd like to attend a formal state function and hear the butler at the top of the stairs announce Lady and Sir Mixalot.
i can not take away your storms of life but I can help you dance through the puddles!!!
Sometimes being a good friend just means being a good listener... 