Funny Status Messages

   I have a question for all government officials and anyone who supports SOPA/PIPA. Do you really want to piss off ALL those hackers all at once?

   If you can't spell " Attorney ", your parents should call your school and demand a refund .

   Stupidity: Running over a string 10 times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, looking at it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

   Steven Tyler is quitting American Idol after two seasons! I sure am going to miss that old lady!!!

   I remember when the M in MTV stood for Music not Maternity.

   I liked you better before we met.

   My local post office uses four checkouts unless it's really busy; then they use one.

   This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...

   There's nothing more awkward then asking "who is this" when getting a heartfelt holiday text.

   A jealous woman does better research than the FBI....

   If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it.

   My dream job would have two desks — one for work and one for flipping over in blind rages.

   Nothing brings 2 people together faster than the hatred of a 3rd person

   I admit I am from the old school, but since when did bathrooms become photobooths?

   Putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you? There's an damn App for that. It's called "respect".

   - I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

   I like to walk around the fair with a giant stuffed animal I brought from home, ‘cause I need people to think I'm a winner.

   You don't have to like me. I'm not a facebook status.

   Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had.

   You've just gotta love that awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one's listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.