Funny Status Messages

   I argue with myself sometime because I know for a fact that I'll win

   I would much rather regret something I did, then something I was too afraid to do...

   With all these people "checking in" at every place they go to, I'm thinking Facebook is a probation officer as well as a social networking site.

   Really don't understand why everytime I open my t.v. dinner there has to be corn frozen in my brownie :/

   Superbowl: the only time in a year that you tell people to be quiet because a commercial is on.

   Why does every wireless provider say that they have the best, fastest, most covered 4G network? Someone's lying.

   I remember when making a mix tape for your girlfriend was the perfect Valentine's gift.

   If Facebook goes out of business, we should all exchange phone numbers and mailing addresses.

   when work feels overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....

   If you watch 127 hours backwards it's an uplifting story about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.

   I had to sell my halo to Cash4Gold, So I blame the economy for my attitude....

   I used to think that there was this huge difference between Clowns and Mimes. But actually they all scream the same kinds of things at you when you spray them with Pepper Spray.

   Finally, Facebook gives me what I always wanted, a news feed within my news feed...

   I don't remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there's a chance I'm magical.

   I joke a lot, but in reality nothing can stop me from reaching my goals, except for shiny distractions or moderate discomfort.

   who ever said "the freaks come out at night" has obviously never been to Walmart during the day

   I see you're playing stupid. Looks like you're winning too.

   Every time I'm in a hotel and I pass by a room with a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign, I always assume that the people inside are banging the hell out of each other.

   When someone is talking behind your back.....Just fart

   My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.