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That awkward moment when someone asks Sirius Black if he's serious 
Pretty face but the chase ain't worth the price
Now that Rapture is about to begin…I have a few things I need to confess: I let the dogs out, I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I hacked play station and YES I did cause global warming…Internet connection lost error message**
i love zombies, we got a lot in common... we both want some brain.
Chris Brown: If you had only used Whips & Chains, instead of Sticks & Stones, you may have avoided jail time...
I have had PMS for the past two days. "Parked Motorcycle Syndrome". It's a nice cool night, time for a midnight ride.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
If You Wake Me Up, & I Dont Get Angry. . . You Must Be Pretty Special
Ten folded ones in my left pants pocket, four buffalo chicken wings bones in my right pants pocket and empty mini bottles scattered around the house... apparently I had fun last night.
Saying “oh!” like you get it. But you still have no idea.
When will the US State Department recognize the Man vs Food nation
I know that I'm worth the wait. If you can't be patient and wait for me then I know you're not worth it.
Facebook needs a "People you need to delete" list....
I got an e-mail saying '"At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" I'm thinking, that's just spam.
There's never a hobo around when you really need your windshield cleaned
Man who sinks into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
It's pretty cowardly to put a ding in someone's car door without at least leaving a note scratched into the paint, such as, "LOL! --->"
So you say Red Bull just isn't enough kick for you anymore. How about I set you on fire? That will get you up and moving. For a bit anyway.
there a national do-not-call list for friends and family yet?
I hate using an air freshener I really like in the bathroom. Cuz after awhile, no matter where you use it, its always gonna smell like sh!t. 