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before lady Di, I never heard of Paparazzi.., I thought it was a circus act or something 
I'm Your Huckleberry
Love is like a soccer ball, everybody runs to have that ball, and when they have it they kick it away..
I'm a homophobophobe. Seriously, those bigots scare the heck out of me.
America is getting up there in age, but i'd still do her. God Bless America!
Good news. They are opening the beaches on the Gulf. They are changing the signs from "swim at your own risk" to "Caution Flammable!".
So, ladies..... when you don't feel like using the "Shakeweight," do you tell yourself you have a headache?
ok... it's been well over 4 hours and this thing aint gone down... do I keep going or call my doctor??
Jet Blue steward Steven Slater offered reality show to help people quit their jobs. I'm gonna bet it won't be the first pilot he's done!
See! I told you that someone would still find you attractive! At least he's not your real dad.
I just met a very nice man who said he loves children. Then I found out he was on parole for it.
never knew they mined for chili. You learn something new every day.
having a drink for the Chilean miners tonight... all 33 of them.
Any time a girl wants to get back at her ex boyfriend I will be there lol
As a guy I think you can learn so much by listening to two women talk to each other..Unless they are talking about periods then you just need to excuse yourself...Cuz some mysteries should remain unsolved...
Pretending to care about what the birthday card says, but you really just want the money.
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee.
no need to google, my wife know everything :P
Shut up voices!! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!!
My wife said I was disrespectful and I was thinkin' does that mean she's gonna get me a beer or not? 