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The Texas Rangers are half way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of the MLB 
Driving down the road and saw my ex-wife. Funny how “I’d hit that” changes meaning over the years
Let them enter the country legally and they can enjoy all the freedom they want.
Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got to it first.
Y'all want the slaves back??
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest the thing she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg."
Officer: Is that cocaine? Me: I dunno, let me smell... (Boom! No evidence!)
He has risen!!! But only to use the bathroom, now I am going back to bed.
Hi. I am the only Caucasian on the planet that doesn't care about Game of Thrones or how many Emmy nominations it has.
not yet rated.
Breaking New's !!! This Just In: Day 9 of the government shutdown and President Obama is having a hard time trying to figure out which golf course to play at next.
wondering if everyone expecting it now finally realizes the only "change" is in their pocket.
has just finished installing a flux compacitor in his DeLorean and is headed back to 1985
Seismologists have determined that the earthquake in Washington,D.C. was not caused by a fault line, but by our Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves!!!!
to honor MLK's memory, how about a day OF work for everybody this year?
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
You know you're driving a new car when the items you pull from your nose go out the window and not on the floor mat.
do not interfere when 2 gay guys argue. You never know when it may come to blows...
If you won the lottery, would you mail in the ticket? Or would you go in person? Why is that? (Remember this when you go vote.)
Grammar is important. For instance, commas and Capital letters make a difference. such as in these examples: "Let's eat grandpa." vs "Lets eat, grandpa" or "I helped my Uncle Jack of a horse" vs "I helped my uncle jack of a horse"..... 