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eating breakfast at the Peach Pit since today is 90210. I mean....um....I didn't watch that show back in the day. A friend must have told me about it. 
Wake up in the morning feeling like Luke Perry... Happy 90210 Day!
whilst watching england tonight I have come to the conclusion that peter crouch and wayne rooney couldn't score with a prost........oh wait
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. NOW QUIET!!! They're about to announce the lottery numbers....
thinking why did I ever doubt myself?.. You came along and reassured me of how great I am..thanks loser!
even if I got a hold of your social security number, I wouldn't know what to do with it.
wondering how Mel Kiper can look at himself in the mirror and not want to kill himself over the guilt of getting paid to be such a terrible "expert" in his field.
As a taxpayer, I demand police escorts for emergency situations... Such as trying to get Ice cream to work from Braum's before its melts...
wondering why the phrase, "I`m not being rude" must always be followed by "but" ?
If I haven't done something you asked me to do and I say it's because life has "been crazy", it really means I've just been lazy.
Archaeologists have uncovered what is to be believed as the remains of the worlds oldest dog. Also uncovered at the same site is believed to be the worlds oldest dog coller. It says, "i'm rex, if found return to Larry King"
love can conquer anything, no matter how bad it gets it can always be forgiven by agreeing to put it behind you and getting on with being happy together.
The Clitaurus is the most mysterious Jurassic-era creature to most male archaeologists.
there's nothing like watching a commerical of people making out with a McRib sandwich......kinda turns m on
wondering if you knew the the bird IS the word
Great! Now all the pervs are going to apply for jobs with the TSA!
I never did use my illusion. Is it too late?
Oh, thank god! My barbecue will not be postponed.
looks like Harolds ass will be camping outside the Pearly Gates by his damn self. 