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Spilled my skittles in the toilet by accident today as I went to flush.. What I thought was a disaster turned into an awesome 10 second NASCAR race.. 
dispatching her gang of flying monkeys.
I love to laugh but on this day I am remembering the Love and Sacrifice that Jesus did so that we could be saved.Amen !!
I started a band called 999 Megabytes..... We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
What does A gay horse eat? Heeeeeeyyyy!!
Trying to figure out why Japan seems to be doing so well at the swimming in the Olympics... and then like a giant wave crashing down it hit me.
French toast is just regular toast that smokes cigarettes and has a tiny mustache.
curiosity overpowers knowledge.. Now I have a midget transvestite prostitue knocking on my door
when it comes down to it, it's the little thongs in life that makes it all worthwhile...
My best pick up line: Excuse me, but I think you dropped this two hundred dollars for sex.
Oatmeal raisin cookies are only eaten when mistaken for chocolate chip.
Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go!
I havent seen a spider in days. WTF ARE THEY PLANNING??
anyone interested in having a Rapture party this weekend?
It really upset me when I heard that Justin Bieber was anti-abortion, because it meant I had to rearrange my top 10 list of things I care least about.
I think Buno Mars would be an awesome wingman..he'd be catching all the grenades for me! lol
Love doesn't cost a thing; except tears, a broken heart, wasted years and half your stuff.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "did she really just say that?"
Christmas is my favorite four months of the year.
Dear Lord, Just once I would like to walk up to a RedBox and not have to wait for one of your special idiots to finish licking the screen. Amen. 