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I enjoy long romantic scrolls on my phone. 
Everyone picks their nose. It is what you do with it that defines you as a person.
Possessio...is 9/10 of the spelling
I have white friends, but not " Excuse me Sir. You dropped your wallet." white friends.
Jokes on you Lent,,, I already gave up.
When we're chatting on fb, and I start saying things like, "well, okay", "gotta run", "have a great day", it was great talking to you"...what that means is: SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!
I'm tired of doing math. I guess I'll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
never kill hope in your beloved ones; sometimes it's the only treasure they have.
Show me on your selfie where he hurt you.
My wife gives great head...ache.
Till - when we get bored with each other and what used to be cute now makes us feel homicidal rage - do us part
ving a PT Cruiser says, "I made a 25 thousand dollar mistake in 2002."
If you rim your margarita glass with pink Himalayan Salt it becomes health food right?
I used to have an attitude problem. I broke up with her about a year ago.
Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.
The first rule of chess club: If you've ever seen a boob you're the hero of chess club.
Tried Gordon Ramseys diet tip tonight: cooking with whisky! It worked!!! After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen
I don't know about Todd's wife being fridged, but her snatch must be giant, cause I swear, his post had an echo!
If you want to bore your friends to death, this is the right place to get your material.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that? 