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How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words 
1 tequila, 2 tequila,s 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teiuqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklasl, 9 travquikas, 10 trewquwtss
Yes, I have a girlfriend. Oh...wait, No...thats a fridge. I have a Fridge.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
so hungry I could eat a horse!! Here I come burger king!
My middle finger gets horny every time it sees you.
Fake Love: Her: Good morning love of my life, beat of my heart. Him: God morning sunshine, reason I live. True Love: Her: coffee if you want it. Him: Ehhhh.
Today... I'm opening up a Battered Shrimp Shelter... in my stomach.
Apparently, people go to "sex rehab" because there isn't a "got busted being stupid" rehab!
If a tomato is a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie
Most husbands often fantasize about Googling their Twitter on their wife's Facebook. Married reality for me is that she wont even look at Myspace anymore.
Why is it when someone is under water on TV, I hold my breath also?
any questions asked while I am counting out scoops of coffee will be answered with louder counting
Why is it that when your not supposed to laugh everything is HILARIOUS?
really dont like joggers.. watch the news isnt it a lil suspicious they are always the ones who find the bodies
Dear person next to me in class, -->PLEASE WRITE BIGGER<-- Sincerely, didn't study.
God grant me the serenity to accept that My Kids will always Drive me Crazy; courage to change their evil ways when I can; and wisdom to know When to walk away So I Wont ring Their neck
Was told to set an example. So I picked to be a bad example
Eskimos supposedly have 52 words for snow. That's weird, so does Charlie Sheen.
Does this 'I Beat Anorexia' T-Shirt make me look fat? 