Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   I woke up this morning and my friend said "Did you sleep good?" I said "No. I made a few mistakes."

   Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

   ..is already missing her time in Palermo. They had sunshine and sexy women. What does the U.K. haue? A week of summer and Susan Boyle.

   Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

   Police found the device in a smoking Nissan Pathfinder. Thank God it was a Nissan. If it had been a Toyota, you know it would have blown up.

   I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.

   Two goldfish in a bowl. One says to the other "If there is no God,who changes our water every week?"

   If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?

   Studies show that four out of five poker players take drugs to keep awake and sharp at the table. The one that doesn't stay sharp is the one who shouts out "Go Fish!"

   ..believes so strongly in reincarnation that she's written a will and left everything to herself..

   The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.

   I hear someone's going around stealing all the coffee from the poor. I don't know how he can sleep at night,

   Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is sooo wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a single slice. You can't say that about much else.

   chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   All castles had one major weakness. The enemy used to get in through the gift shop.

   Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.

   ..doesn't understand people who say "by now.." As in "by now you should have children,.by now you should be married..by now you should.." Sorry but if "by now" i'll "pay later".

   ..is sleeping naked. I just wish that stewardess would go away. I don't care if there are children on this plane!

   Just letting my mind wander since it won't stop and ask for directions.