Joser Funny Status Messages

   So excited: my DVD collection of "Hoarders" is almost complete! And on VHS! Also on Blu-ray and 8mm film. And LaserDisc. Where is my cat?

   Why do people reply to me in other languages? I don't know wtf you're saying. I only speak three languages: English, Parseltounge

   How is lindsay lohan ever gonna find a good woman when she is jail? wait....... this might just work out.

   After all these years, I'm surprised nobody at CSI has found the light switch in their office.

   I don't take compliments well. Or criticism. You know what, just don't talk to me.

   It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." I'm talking to you Twi-hards & Beliebers.

   Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.

   It feels good not to have any feelings.

   BREAKING NEWS: Miami Heat joins LeBron James.

   I just LeBron Jamesed my pants. Is that a thing yet?

   FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.

   How many crap loads are there in a sh*t ton again? cuz that's exactly how Cleveland feels like right now...

   the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens.

   you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.

   Happiness is spelled C-A-S-H

   Who's the genius that gave the police sirens?

   Why's Lil Wayne still in Jail? Someone should work on breaking him out. Call T-Pain, I hear he has a boat.

   The most tedious part of being an Afghani phone sex operator is describing what I'm wearing.

   Can someone please check on Cleveland? I'm concerned because they've been in the bathroom a long time.

   Bad news: pulled a muscle. Good news: implied presence of muscle.