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Boobs are like the sun, you can take a quick look but it's dangerous to stare. 
We’ll continue this argument later on when I’m alone in the shower and you’re not there to defend yourself.
National meatball day. A day in the honor of David Dennison
pi day & hump day....it must be "Jason Biggs day"
A confessional booth is a glory hole for secrets.
every girl like to be swept of her feet,.... its when you put her in the trunk that she freaks out.
I often wonder what tomatoes🍅 did to make the other fruits 🍇🍐🍊🍌to disown them and force them to live as vegetables🤔
Pizza grease is my essential oil.
I'm okay with knowing that no one thinks I am as funny as I know I am.
I panicked when they asked me to come up with a cool and sexy stripper name. So if you head over to the strip club, ask for Deborah.
Wednesday is the new Monday and Thursday is the new Hump Day.
Fun fact: the tiny island of Tonga is one of the very first areas in the world to celebrate the New Year.
My New Years resolution, to screw them before they screw me.
I like to plan ahead so I bought the Hubby his Valentine's Day candy early and hiding it. In other words, I just bought me some candy.
I ended things because of how bad she was in bed, the sex was great but her napping skills were terrible.
Ask your doctor if being a doctor is right for him. Everything isn't about you.
Welcome to your 40s, you don’t even know why but you’re angry.
With facebook down I went back to doing those little things we sometimes overlook while it's up, like keeping the dishes from polling up in the sink, folding the laundry on top of the dryer, finishing reading those books I started reading and showering.
Never put all your eggs in one basket.....unless they're chocolate.....and it's my basket
If you care more about what others think about you than what you think about you, you're doing it wrong... 