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Page: 346 of 5577
Have you ever noticed how some people just won't stop texting even after you shoot them the one word answers repeatedly?
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07-10-2010 14:33 by
lemonpillow
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The wedding card selection at this store blows. Lots of "Congrats" and "Best wishes" but no "I still question your sexuality" anywhere.
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07-12-2010 11:38 by
Joser
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Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
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06-15-2011 02:39 by
Jackbrass
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I remember that one time, before Facebook, when I went outside and did stuff.
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03-07-2011 12:49 by
BEGO
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When did "wear something green" turn into "dress like an idiot?"
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03-17-2011 18:42 by
abbybaby34
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Marriage is like a late night phone call. You get a ring and then you wake up.
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03-21-2011 12:29 by
BEGO
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A nice way to fire people is by throwing them a surprise going away party.
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03-30-2011 13:06 by
Jen
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Dilemma: do I the wash dishes, or attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup with a knife?
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04-04-2011 23:36 by
Destiny
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Me: grandma, have you seen my pills? they were labelled LSD. Grandma: Fu*k the pills, have you seen the purple dragons in the kitchen..
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04-10-2011 17:09 by
Destiiny
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You know your getting old when you drop something on the floor and instead picking it right back up, you just stare at it for a minute or two...
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12-28-2012 16:55 by
Pime
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if you're the type of neighbor that likes to scream and yell till 3am, then I'll be the type of neighbor to mow at 6am!
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07-02-2011 08:14 by
flinnie
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Dear Warner Bros: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
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07-20-2011 10:57
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Just once when the trainer asks one of the background people in the workout video how he's doing, I want him to respond: "I'm exhausted - you're a fu*king lunatic"
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08-05-2011 20:53
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Women are completely defenseless..... Until the nail polish dries up.
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09-20-2011 11:02
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Since Facebook shows when you add new friends, it's only fair, and would be quite amusing, to show when you delete someone...and why.
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09-23-2011 01:17
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the me who wakes up in the morning has zero respect for the me who set the alarm the night before!
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01-27-2011 15:09 by
liro81
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This is ridiculous - I have so much work to do this morning that I can barely get on Facebook. My boss is so rude.
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02-03-2011 23:11 by
Marshall the Great
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You know you're old when getting lucky means you actually found your car in the parking lot
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02-12-2011 09:42 by
oldman
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Deleting all emails as they come in without reading them. Like a boss.
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02-25-2011 15:25 by
abbybaby34
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Okay I have time to get an hour of sleep before I need to get ready for work. Bed get ready because this needs to be quick but meaningful.
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02-25-2011 20:12 by
ff1241
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