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Some people are just not worth my energy. 
My life is like 1-ply toilet paper..I get the job done but I have no idea how.
Only if people could take the energy they use to assume and use it to search for facts.
I call em' blackish brown paper weights. You call them bananas.
Pizza... It's what's for Breakfast
WIFE..is giving out free broom rides tonight
Using Candy from last yr for "trick or treaters" =)
It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of your life.
Admit it, we've all tried to splash water in our face like the commercials.
My girlfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because she doesn't exist.
I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to.
Kim Cattrall must be pretty tired of acting like she's sexy.
I will be the first rapper to rap about the troubles of programming a spare Garage Door Opener remote.
Women like foreign accents my ass… I've been talking like Marvin the Martian all night and haven't gotten one single phone number.
I bought some skinny jeans… but they're 2 sizes too big, so I just call them jeans.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
in need of some long johns
You sounded funny to your followers until I blocked you.
Paula Deen selling Diabetes Drugs is like Courtney Love selling methadone.
What do women want? (I'm bored and this should be very entertaing) 