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If there were to be a strip club with comedic act every night. Would it be called the Witty Titty? 
dude, I'm pretty sure your car isnt supposed to sound like a dirt bike!
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask myself: "Is this all there is?" And then I hear a little voice that says: "What kind of question is that?"
doesn't accept blame well... but it's not my fault.
I never knew pain till I threw up those pretzels
I'm not having a kid until they come with built-in mute buttons.
Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.
My favorite meetings are the ones about the important deadline for work I could be done with if I wasn't in a meeting.
stop making excuses and start finding the reasons to do things , the only limitation is your imagination and YOU !!
wisdom comes with age , but sometimes age comes alone!!!
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
"I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy." -- J.C. McKay
Charles Rangel has been accused of 13 violations of Congressional ethical standards. I'm surprised that Congress has ethics standards.
I don't take drugs. I'm not even an athlete
If all of the whitening brightening toothpaste I used delivered, my teeth would now be fluorescent.
i live my life like i've missed nothing! I started over and am doing it again
don't think you're on the right road just because it is a well beaten path
Burying bodies in the backyard
|| You have one advantage over me. You can kiss my ass, I can't.
that a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 