Funny Status Messages

   commented on a woman's french manicure. "I like your tips" ...let's just say she didn't hear me correctly.

   Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want 'cause you're not driving.

   hates that kids complain about video games for "Loading"... Back in my day we had to blow the sh*t out of games just to play'em and even then it was a gamble to work. So kids, Shut up!"

   Don't you hate that moment when you think to yourself, why did I just say that?

   To all of you who keep calling me Fat, Just Piss off, Iv got Enough on my Plate..

   Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

   Schizophrenic...and So am I

   This kid at the store is screaming so loud that I think I just became sterile.

   If you REALLY want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2022.

   Listen lady, if you don't want my balls on your rack then go bowl somewhere else!

   There are some people in this world... When they ask you for advice because they did something wrong... You just wanna say " If I were you... I would just go ahead and punch myself in the face for being that stupid to begin with..."

   Sometimes, in my world 2+2=5 because I like to add a little extra to make it interesting.

   thinks Charlie Sheen should change the name of his TV show to "2 1/2 Grams & A Hooker"

   ladies, what's with the puckered lips in your pics?? it doens't make you look any hotter..

   Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is: ‘What is never the answer?

   Alright, Captain Morgan, I'll make you a deal....I'll stop drinking when you put your foot down.

   Penny for your thoughts... a dollar if you flash me.

   If drinking destroys your memories...what does drinking do?

   Nobody gets treated worse than a fast food worker who gets an order wrong.

   Remember when MTV used to play music?