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Page: 335 of 5577
WTF are birds so amped up about at 5:30 in the morning?
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05-10-2011 16:08 by
Marshall the Great
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What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girl all have in common? In each scenario there is a DUMBASS who did not take it out in time
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06-30-2011 13:12 by
SlowMotionNinja
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Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.
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08-29-2011 13:50 by
SuthernFukr
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Shirley Temple, a wonderful example that making sex tapes, twerking, and going to re-hab are NOT necessary to make it in Hollywood. Classy is ALWAYS in style!!!
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02-11-2014 08:49
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Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
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06-05-2014 19:08 by
snotty
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I just got a new Epi-pen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it, for some reason.
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08-11-2015 12:01
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Just found out I got another A in my daughter's science class.
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10-04-2013 07:53 by
snotty
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A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.
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11-02-2013 02:07
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All these Ebola deaths in Africa might explain why I haven't heard back from that Nigerian prince after I sent him my financial information.
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10-17-2014 11:49
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So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math... But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%
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06-12-2012 09:05 by
snotty
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Don't expect a bless you on the 5th sneeze, get that sh*t under conrtol
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07-06-2012 22:11
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Dear guy that invented the metal wires, screws and clips that hold kids toys to the cardboard packaging with a death grip: I HOPE YOU DIE.
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12-21-2011 21:08 by
fadolo
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Sorry, I can't hangout. My uncle's cousin's sister in law's best friend's insurance agent's roommate's pet goldfish died. Maybe next time..
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12-29-2011 20:26 by
Twistvenue
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Going through my friends list and deleting every 5th person because statistically speaking, they have an STD.
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02-13-2012 22:12 by
Zinc
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Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
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11-25-2011 15:07
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Facebook should invent a relationship status that says "Only when i'm drunk."
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04-18-2012 21:12 by
BEGO
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I'm pretty sure there's a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED.....
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05-03-2012 18:15 by
pooh boy
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If I were a bathroom tile salesmen,my pitch would be:"Think how great this will look in the background of your social network pics..."
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05-30-2012 14:40 by
Marshall the Great
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Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
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03-12-2012 21:17 by
Jerry Carter
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Math Problem: If Matt has 16 oz of coffee and loses 4 oz at each of 5 speed bumps going into work, how many seconds until Matt kills everyone?
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03-21-2012 20:15 by
snotty
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