Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
We've got our p orno turned up really loud so the neighbours don't hear us having sex. 
The first rule of Zombie Club is: Try not to sprain your ankle.
Things that you need adequate preparation for: 1. Zombie apocalypse. 2. Alien invasion. 3. A nal sex.
The day she agrees to a nal, I'm renting two industrial spotlights to shine into the night sky to celebrate the 'grand opening'.
This new bank app I have sends me suspicious activity alert for just about anything.....*alert* someone paid off a light bill, *alert* someone opened a bar tab, *alert* you've overpaid the stripper
So your neighbors having 3pm afternoon sex next door loud, and your best solution is turning up your porn louder to send them a msg?
Someone's voodoo doll is finally working for the 49ers! Nice break
I need a Stalker that will take out the trash before going thru it
B itches or not, I still say 99 problems is a lot of problems!
ive seen more humour There is nothing funnier than yelling "SHE'S STEALING MY BABY!" when you witness a violent parent with their kid in public.
The only foreplay I've been doing lately is turning the electric blanket on before I go to bed.
I am woman, hear me give you the silent treatment.
Now that I think about it, the Good Humor man never said anything funny. But, who needs a personality when you have ice cream?
Don't worry guy's.... I just hung my 2013 calendar to protect us from the apocalypse. We should be good.
The only reason I drink is to celebrate not being dead.
Where can I buy a couple tumbleweeds? It would look way cool to have a few of them following me around the house
People are never going to stop talking are they?
Don't take anything here too seriously, including your feelings.
I'm too bad to be an angel and too good to be a devil.
Well sir, I doubt everyone will be so upset my desk is "infested" with caterpillars once the office is "infested" with beautiful butterflies!! 