Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I got me some new underwear today! Well they're new to me anyway... 
If you eat smores with a knife and fork you have no soul.
You dont have to be a mule to be an ass
Life is like a roller coaster. You can either scream every time there is a bump or you can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride.
SEX- now that I have your attention....(real status)
I have a ton of leftover horse. I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was.
just downloaded this Lebron tone for my phone but I can't hear it cuz it doesn't have a RING!
Imagine living with 3 wives and never leaving the house for 5 years... I think Osama called the US Navy Seals himself
Happiness isn't getting what you love, it's loving what you get...
I tried pulling myself up by my bootstraps, now I've got a concussion and two broken bootstraps
I only like Tuesday because it rhymes with Booze Day....
SEX It may have only 3 letters but it can have as many characters as you like.
What's the objective for Jewish football......To get the quarterback!
Put my thing down, flipped it and reversed it. Now its inside out. Send help.
They say you are what you eat...so I'm gonna eat a skinny person
I woke up moody, fat and depressed and thought have I turned into a woman?? Then I realized I'm just a little hungover and need some coffee. Whew!!
There is nothing more frightening than the toilet water rising when you flush it! Especially if you are at someone Else's house!
Right to bear arms meant only muskets? Is like saying right to free speech only meant the old English spoken in 1700s....
It's almost July 4th, the day we fought back against the aliens.
Wow, I thought what we had was special, you met my family and made me dinner, now you say you’re a “waiter" and you’re just “doing your job" 