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If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?
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01-11-2012 23:27 by
Czovczov
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Just checked my Farmville for the first time in a year. It's now a Walmart.
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10-07-2012 20:48
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Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?
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12-17-2009 07:54 by
Samir Momin
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If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
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04-02-2010 13:10
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One of the cooler things you can do when you die is be buried with an elephant bone, just to confuse future archaeologists.
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12-04-2010 09:00 by
Aaron
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In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.
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01-19-2012 20:00 by
Aaron
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Kissing a girl on her forehead is care, on her cheek is respect, on her lips is love, but kissing her in front of her boyfriend is GUTS
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09-14-2011 12:08 by
SuthernFukr
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I find a bit of sick pleasure in holding the door for people that are still far away to force them into an awkward run
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07-28-2011 10:43
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just sent a text message to a random number saying "Im Pregnant"
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02-25-2011 08:53 by
Yaj
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I tried to look up the Kelly Blue Book value of my car and it said before it could tell me it needed to know how much gas was in it....
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02-07-2011 14:55 by
scottyp
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offering his new drink. It's the Bin Laden. It's two shots and a splash of water.
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05-03-2011 06:31 by
Mike
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Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a $100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?"
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01-12-2012 21:50 by
g0re
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'MAY' contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn't. DON'T WASTE MY TIME
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01-25-2012 11:30 by
SuthernFukr
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LIKE if you remember having to REWIND a video before you returned it.
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04-12-2012 12:07 by
BEGO
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2
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I'll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where's my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"
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01-30-2012 10:33 by
SEAN
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"If you're good at something, never do it for free" ~ The Joker (The Dark Knight)
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04-17-2010 13:29 by
Danmanz
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If twitter went away, would anyone care?
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07-17-2009 14:35 by
Danmanz
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Ladies If it takes you more than a hour to get ready, then you ain't as cute as you think you are
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07-31-2010 13:46
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Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
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09-11-2011 09:59 by
SuthernFukr
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If you never jumped from one couch to the other to save yourself from the lava then you didn't have a childhood
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01-26-2012 18:55 by
Tsparks
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