Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Just saw a huge spider while I was getting out of the shower. So I pulled down the shower curtain rod & pole vaulted over it into the hallway.

   To the dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.

   It isn't you, it's me. It's me wanting to be on top of people who aren't you.

   Its impossible to say the word "ironic" without some idiot saying "don't ya think"...Thanks a lot Alanis Morissette

   I want a job naming military operations. It be great to hear a stoic general talk about how "Operation My little pony" was a success

   My supervisor told me "I like working with you. You're the only one I can have a interlectrical conversation with". I don't know if I should feel honored, or ashamed that this man is my boss

   Doing work on the bathroom, went to Lowe's and, long story short, still not mature enough to ask for caulk without laughing

   Naming a male baby is rarely easy. Go with a cool name, like Nosferatu.

   We need to be more concerned about dinosaur ghosts

   Can't believe it's almost Christmas in July

   Parents, be nice to your children's teachers. They know more about you than you'd ever care to imagine.

   Dear inventor of the spork: I am fully prepared to have my mind blown again, whenever you're ready.

   You'll never meet anyone who's quietly in training for a charity run

   Workin' hard or hardly saying anything original?

   Love is always giving more than you can spare.

   So glad I'm a guy. Haven't fought with a friend since 1985.

   Can anyone recommend a good book to tell people I'm reading?

   There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

   If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Everybody else, write a novel about your childhood.

   I'm going to open a store and call it "Don't Patronize Me."