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sure that if I ever went to a psychologist, he'd tell me that ALL my personalities are fine...except my REAl one. 
I wish personal ads could be honest, like 'Toxic seeks Self-Loathing.'
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing all the time.
Dreams are just fanfictions of your life written by your brain.
the government wants to ban cell phone use in the car...lets all get CB radios
I once saw my grandparents have sex, and that's why I don't eat raisins.
Another Sign of getting older: When you recall Nick-At-Night was once mostly Black & White!
I'm actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down!!!
Never grossly overestimate my need for your approval.
You know you have a problem when every letter you type in the address bar will bring up a porn site ..
my mom used to say, "dont give me any of your guff"...looked it up..40 yrs ltr..says trivial, worthless talk or ideas...heeeyyy, thats demeaning
Okay Canadians you win... When you convert Fahrenheit to Celsius, it's only 46.6 here in the states.
She cheerfully asked me "where were you all my life?" So I honestly told her "hiding in your bathroom" and now I have a restraining order
My mom talks into her cell phone like she just hit the cap lock key on her voice
Don't forget to do nothing about your problems and complain about them on the internet forever.
Love is being someone's favorite confusion.
Current emotion: I need money.
The more she claps her hands while talking, the more children she has had with different fathers.
The Gap always emails me at 4am. Go to bed, Gap. You're too drunk to tell me about free shipping. 