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"Mmmm. I like that. That smells nice. I'm gonna piss on it." - Dogs. And R. Kelly. 
Judging from the numerous semi-naked profile pics I come across on facebook, I would say the porn industry will never have to worry about shortage of labour.
I gave up "Olympic Synchronized Swimming" for lent....This is gonna be tough!
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco one more sec
thought the iPad was for the iPod for Bostonians
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember
our finger prints last forever on the people we touch
Sometimes in order to see the light, you must blind yourself to bullsh*t
The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
I just got a text saying... I'm Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good. Umm... you wanna come over?
Kama Sutra has finally been published as an audio book. Unfortunatly the audio is provided by Gilbert Gottfried.
If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
It's nice when a grocery clerk asks if I found everything OK, but if they really cared they'd have all this sh!t in the same aisle for me.
just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.
I've got all the money I'll ever need....... as long as I die by four o'clock this afternoon.
has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!
Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.
The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk."
noticed that all the girls from his year at school that thought they were too good for me are now either fat, ugly or a frieky combination of the 2. Funny how the tables have turned. 