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and Reason 3 why Florida still has no color,,,,You cant just predict anything in Florida, not the Weather, not the Casey Anthonys/Zimmerman or any Court cases... and definitely not the Elections running smoothly! 
I'm going to start smoking again until I find someone better to do with my mouth.
Bored? Send a text message to a random number saying: "Im Pregnant
She's excited about putting holiday decorations up, I'm excited her periods almost over. Priorities.
Sunday, my day of rest!! Rest of the laundry, rest of the dusting, rest of the ....
I'm worried about my bed. It looks really lonely. I'd better give it a few extra hours of cuddling today
In my darker moments I despair over the injustices I will never be able to stop. Greed. Hunger. Plague. Here Comes Honey-boo-boo
If anyone ever moans about you leaving a pile clothes on the floor, just tell them it's a dead Jedi.
If you've never lost your significant other, you've failed as a sock.
Be good, kids! There's no bacon in hell.
from now on, I'm only drinking free range beer. You're welcome future generations.
I don't have any beef with vegetarians.
My date last night told me she loved being handcuffed yet all she did was b!tch at me as we sat in the back of a squad car after the robbery
Grammer: The difference between knowing your sh*t and Knowing You're sh*t.
I have yet to be intimidated by fancy wine lists thanks to my vast knowledge of fancy wines and my eeny, meeny, miny moe system!!!
When push comes to shove, isn't that just a fight waiting to happen??
I can summarise the 10 commandments into one: DON'T BE A DOUCHEBAG.
When I set the bar too high, I just go under it.
Babe, you can find the key to my heart in any liquor store.
The nice thing about dating a girl who has 3 dogs, 3 cats and a horse, is that she is already accustomed to the smells and animal-like behavior. 