Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Told my wife today she looked sexy with black fingernails Now she thinks I slammed the car door on them on purpose !!!!! 
Instead of bombing terrorist we should just make them watch The Twilight Movies and listen to Justin Bierber's music..
When in the middle of an argument shut her up by kissing her. Unless it’s a teller at your bank, then she just calls for security.
I just go on Facebook to see who's pregnant.
I tried to be normal once. Worst sex I've ever had in my life.
Facebook is like having your own talk show except you don't get paid and your studio is the bathroom.
For all you Xbox fans I guess you won't be getting a game console this year but more like a voice and gesture based TV remote box.
The weather is so hot it just told me I’d make a great friend.
ll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and tell you what I eat on instagram
So many vain and self-aggrandizing narcissists on Facebook giving themselves compliments about how beautiful, slim and rich they are. Real beautiful people are humble and wait to be complimented by other people.
If I don't mention you, then the tweet wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bltch up and wear it.
I don't even drink my first cup of coffee every day, I just pour it over my head like a football coach so everyone knows I'm here to win.
Hurricane Sandy is Mother Nature's way of preventing another MTV Jersey Shore cast from happening. She's had enough!!!
If you're looking for a girl, here is what to look for: 1) HOT 2) SANE 3) SINGLE ... now pick two
I just bought the new vi@gra flavor ice cream...its been 4 hours and it still hasn't melted...
My lack of Christmas shopping is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right
Alright kids... Life is going to continue to throw the same lesson at you until you finally learn it, so don't act all surprised when your boyfriend/girlfriend situation explodes in flames like it always does when you keep choosing the same type of clowns
Men, just because she loves your c ock doesn't mean she's in love with u
It would probably make more Sense if they did our taxes 2 mths before christmas that way we can actually afford christmas.
Accidentally broke the window out of my neighbor's Accord while playing catch with my son and started it with a screwdriver out of habit. 