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There is nothing like bringing the log to the beaver first thing in the morning. 
Sometimes you just have to accept you can`t win every battle , no matter how hard you try .. but just because you lost a battle doesn`t mean you can`t win the war.
Bosses are like diapers, always full of s****t and usually on your a$$ (^-^)
I think Ben Roethlisberger got his hands on Brett Favre's phone??
LEAVING CAPS LOCK ON UNTIL 2010
gonna wait until 12:01 tonight, feed some mogwais,pour water on them and then set them loose in The white house.
if you were a status....i`d like u.....!!!!!
Thought I was inconsonant. Turns out I have irritable vowel syndrome.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs
only updating my status because my legions of fans expect me to.
I'm getting a massage tonight, so I drew a treasure map on my stomach. It's pretty self explanatory.
Sharting: (verb) when you try to cut the cheese and get the whole nacho dip.
textually active
you better like this status or I'll post a old picture of you and really get some laughs
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I hate sharks! Can't there be a my little pony week?
dont waste your time , because time is money, and money is awesome , so dont waste your awesome
4:19 almost there... just one more minute..
just took my dog for a walk, long story short, my neighbor sleeps naked 