joser Funny Status Messages

   went to Barnes & Noble and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose...

   Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt... hehehe suckers!!!

   Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.

   It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." I'm talking to you Twi-hards & Beliebers.

   Let's just call the iPhone what it really is: The Toilet Book Pro

   found out that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission...

   Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks

   rejects your reality and substitute my own.

   If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

   I know what Cinco de Mayo is, I just don't know when it is.

   First, Alaska brought us Sarah Palin. Now, "smoked salmon flavored vodka." Can we get a restraining order against them?

   I would consider becoming Catholic if they made Batman Pope.

   Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

   Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear...

   The good news is, we destroyed the Ring. The bad news is, we disrupted a hemisphere's worth of air travel and two dozen national economies... our badd...

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

   I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

   Sorry dude. My girlfriend and I had a meeting and we've decided I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

   just saw a commercial for the Hogwarts place at universal... so down to take shrooms and go, who's down?