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February was $5 footlong month and black history month. Who is the evil genius behind that?
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03-01-2012 01:04 by
flinnie
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Teachers are a bad influence on our kids. For one thing, some of them are nearly 40 and still in the third grade.
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03-02-2012 05:13 by
flinnie
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To pay for gas, I'm selling tickets that allow people to get lost in my eyes for 15 minutes.
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03-02-2012 05:14 by
flinnie
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No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.
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03-02-2012 05:14 by
flinnie
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Hey Kermit, there aren't that many songs about rainbows.
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03-03-2012 06:43 by
flinnie
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It would be fun to replace every EXIT sign in the world with ones that said ESCAPE. Also, they should flicker ominously
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03-03-2012 06:50 by
flinnie
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Weird to think we're just fifteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother
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03-03-2012 06:50 by
flinnie
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My Mama is gonna be so mad when she realizes how much drama I have saved for her.
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03-03-2012 06:51 by
flinnie
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Remember when you thought you'd have it all together by the time you were the age you are now?
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03-04-2012 05:02 by
flinnie
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Look, grocery store, if you're going to play Asia's "Heat of the Moment," there *will* be spontaneous produce aisle dancing.
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03-04-2012 05:02 by
flinnie
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You know how sometimes you accidentally drop food on the floor and eat it anyways? I just did that with soup
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03-05-2012 04:58 by
flinnie
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A baggage carousel is the least fun carousel ever.
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03-05-2012 04:59 by
flinnie
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"Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is.
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03-06-2012 05:20 by
flinnie
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Too many kids don't know what it's like to enjoy a book the old-fashioned way (watching the movie version on VHS the night before a test).
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03-06-2012 05:20 by
flinnie
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No one ever wants to hear monster mash this time of year
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03-06-2012 09:27 by
flinnie
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Never fails. Always behind the person filling out a mortgage at the ATM machine
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03-06-2012 09:27 by
flinnie
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A fun way to freak out new parents on Facebook is to change your name to their baby's name & tag yourself in all of their baby's pictures.
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03-07-2012 08:10 by
flinnie
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why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you
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03-07-2012 08:12 by
flinnie
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I never make fun of kids for having imaginary friends because my imaginary dad would say "Knock if off".
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03-07-2012 08:28 by
flinnie
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Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
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03-08-2012 05:13 by
flinnie
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